Why You Keep Sabotaging Yourself (And How to Stop): A Beginner's Guide to Shadow Work

If you've ever wondered why you:

• Overreact to small situations or comments that shouldn't bother you as much 
• Keep attracting the same problematic relationships
• Sabotage opportunities right when things are going well
• Have a habit if judging certain people harshly
• Feel like you're holding yourself back from your full potential

...then you need to know about your shadow.

Simply put, we all have parts of ourselves we've learned to hide—from others and from ourselves. These hidden parts (what psychologists call "the shadow") run in the background like apps draining your phone's battery, influencing your reactions, your relationships, and your choices in ways you don't consciously realize.

Shadow work is the practice of bringing these hidden parts into the light so they stop controlling you from behind the scenes. It's the practice of becoming aware of the parts of yourself you've been avoiding—so you can finally understand why you do what you do, stop repeating painful patterns, and actually become the person you want to be.

What Exactly Is the Shadow? 

Imagine you're a kid. You're loud, silly, messy, creative, bossy, emotional—basically, you're fully yourself. Then you start getting messages from the world around you:

"Stop being so loud."

"Don't be selfish."

"Big girls don't cry."

"That's not how good girls behave."

"You're too much."

"Stop showing off."

To be accepted by your parents, teachers, and friends—which you desperately need as a child—you start hiding the parts of yourself that got negative reactions. You "put them in a bag and drag them behind you," as poet Robert Bly beautifully describes it.

That bag is your shadow. It contains all the parts you learned to deny:

• The anger you weren't allowed to express
• The creativity that was called "showing off"
• The sensitivity that was labeled "weak"
• The confidence that made adults uncomfortable
• The desires you were taught to feel ashamed of

Here's what most people don't realize: The shadow isn't just "negative" stuff. It also contains positive qualities you repressed—ambition, playfulness, sexuality, creativity, confidence—anything that felt unsafe to show.

Psychiatrist Carl Jung, who developed this concept in the early 1900s, explained it this way: "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is."

Translation: The more you avoid these hidden parts, the more power they have over you.

How the Shadow Controls Your Life (Without You Knowing It)

Your shadow runs your life in sneaky ways:

1. The Projection Problem: You See Your Shadow in Others

Here's a weird truth that will make total sense once you think about it: The things that annoy you most in other people are usually qualities you've repressed in yourself.

Let me give you an example. Say you have a coworker who always needs to be the center of attention. This irritates you constantly. You judge her as "attention-seeking" and "narcissistic."

But here's the thing—if you weren't denying your own desire for recognition, her behavior wouldn't bother you so much. You might notice it, but you wouldn't be triggered by it.

We project onto others what we can't accept in ourselves. As Jung wrote: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

Real-life example from the research: Someone who represses their own anger might become overly critical of people who express even healthy frustration. The angrier they've pushed down their own feelings, the more intolerable they find anger in others.

This projection applies to positive qualities too. Let's say you meet someone who seems fearlessly authentic—they speak their mind, pursue their dreams, live unconventionally. If you find yourself overly fascinated or even intimidated by them, that's your shadow showing you a quality you possess but have been too afraid to express.

2. The "When It's Hysterical, It's Historical" Moment

You know those times when you completely overreact to something small?

Someone makes a mild comment about your presentation: "Maybe use fewer words on that slide."

And suddenly you're FURIOUS. Your heart is racing. You're defensive. You can't focus for the rest of the day.

The comment itself isn't the problem. It triggered a shadow wound—maybe childhood criticism about being "too talkative" or "too much."

As shadow work practitioners say: "When it's hysterical, it's historical." When your reaction is way out of proportion to the present situation, that's your shadow screaming for attention. Something from your past is being activated.

3. The Self-Sabotage Pattern

This one is sneaky and incredibly common: You consciously want something (a promotion, a relationship, creative success) but unconsciously believe you don't deserve it. So right when things are going well, you:

• Procrastinate on the final important steps
• Pick fights with your partner
• Miss important deadlines
• Quit right before the breakthrough

Example from the research: Maybe deep down, you absorbed the message that "people like you don't get to have nice things" or "success makes you selfish." These beliefs live in your shadow, and they sabotage your conscious goals.

Your logical brain says: "I want to buy a new car."

Your shadow whispers: "You don't deserve nice things. Money means lack. Play it safe."

Now you're stuck, battling yourself.

The Real Costs: What Happens When You Ignore Your Shadow

Keeping parts of yourself locked away isn't just uncomfortable—it actively damages your life:

Mental and Emotional Health:

• Chronic anxiety and depression (all that energy spent on repression is exhausting)
• Emotional overreactions you can't explain
• Feeling disconnected from yourself
• Low self-esteem and harsh inner criticism

Relationships:

• Attracting the same dysfunctional patterns repeatedly
• Projecting your issues onto partners and friends
• Difficulty with genuine intimacy (hard to be close when you're hiding)
• Unexplained conflicts and defensive reactions

Life and Work:

• Self-sabotaging important opportunities
• Procrastination and avoidance
• Difficulty making decisions (your conscious and unconscious are fighting)
• Feeling stuck or unfulfilled even when "everything looks good"
• Never accessing your full creative potential

Identity:

• Feeling like you're performing instead of living
• Not knowing who you really are
• Chronic people-pleasing
• Living someone else's life instead of your own

As Jung famously said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

The Benefits: What Happens When You Do Shadow Work

When you have the courage to look at what you've been avoiding, something remarkable happens:

1. You Stop Overreacting

Remember that coworker whose confidence irritated you? Once you acknowledge and own your own desire for recognition, she stops bothering you. You might even admire her.

Projection disappears when you reclaim what you've disowned.

2. You Discover Hidden Strengths

Most people fear their shadow is all darkness. But often, the "gold" in your shadow is what you need most.

Maybe as a child, your natural confidence was labeled "showing off," so you learned to play small. That confidence is still in there, waiting.

Maybe your sensitivity was called "weakness," so you hardened yourself. That sensitivity is actually a superpower for connection and creativity.

Maybe your ambition made others uncomfortable, so you learned to hide your dreams. That ambition is your life force.

Research insight: Psychologist Abraham Maslow found that creativity is a spontaneous occurrence in mentally healthy (integrated) people. Jung discovered that when his patients began shadow work, they naturally started painting, dancing, writing, sculpting—expressing themselves creatively for the first time in years.

3. Your Relationships Transform

When you stop projecting your shadow onto others, you see people as they actually are. You stop unconsciously attracting partners who embody your disowned qualities. You can have honest, authentic connections.

4. You Make Better Decisions

When your conscious goals and unconscious beliefs aren't at war anymore, decisions become clearer. You can actually move toward what you want without sabotaging yourself.

5. You Feel Whole

This is what psychologists mean when they talk about "integration" or "becoming whole." You're not splitting yourself into "acceptable me" and "hidden me" anymore. You're one person—complex, contradictory, messy, human, and real.

How to Actually Do Shadow Work: Practical Steps for Beginners

Shadow work sounds intense, but it doesn't have to be. Here are practical ways to start:

Step 1: Notice Your Strong Reactions (The Fastest Way In)

Pay attention to your triggers. When you have a strong emotional reaction—anger, jealousy, disgust, intense admiration—ask yourself:

"What is this showing me about myself?"

Journaling prompts:

• "The people who annoy me most tend to be..." (List their qualities)
• "When I was a child, I was told I was too..." (This is likely in your shadow)
• "The traits I judge most harshly in others are..."
• "If I'm honest, I secretly wish I could..."

Step 2: Watch for Patterns

As mentioned before, "When it's hysterical, it's historical."

Look for:

• Relationships that keep ending the same way
• Situations where you always self-sabotage
• Comments that always hurt (even when they're mild)
• People you keep attracting who have similar problems

These patterns are your shadow's fingerprints. They're showing you what needs attention.

Step 3: The "I Want/I Don't Want" Exercise

Think about something you really want. Then journal about why you don't want it.

Example:

• "I want a promotion..."
  "But I don't want it because I'm afraid of being seen as ambitious/greedy/selfish."
  "I'm afraid I'll lose friends."
  "I'm afraid I'll fail and prove I'm not good enough."

This exercise reveals your shadow beliefs fighting against your conscious desires.

Step 4: Explore Your Projections

The 3-2-1 Process (developed by philosopher Ken Wilber):

Think of someone who triggers you—either irritates you or fascinates you.

Stage 1 (Third Person): Describe them. "She is so confident and always speaks her mind. She doesn't care what people think."

Stage 2 (Second Person): Talk TO them in your journal. "You make me uncomfortable because you're so bold. You remind me that I'm holding back."

Stage 3 (First Person): Own it. "I am bold. I have things to say. I'm afraid of being too much."

What you discover: That quality you noticed in them? It's actually yours too. You've just been keeping it in the shadow.

Step 5: Do the Opposite (Experiment with Repressed Qualities)

Once you've identified something you've repressed, try expressing it in small, safe ways:

• If you've repressed playfulness: Do something silly just for fun
• If you've repressed anger: Practice saying "no" to small things
• If you've repressed ambition: Share a goal you've been hiding
• If you've repressed vulnerability: Tell someone something real

Start small. You're not trying to become a different person. You're just experimenting with parts of yourself you shut down.

Step 6: Work With Your Body (Why Yoga Matters)

Here's something crucial that many shadow work guides miss: Trauma and shadow material aren't just stored in your mind—they're stored in your body.

You might "know" intellectually that you have repressed anger, but until you feel it in your body and release it, it stays stuck.

This is where INDA Yoga can help.

Why INDA Yoga Is Particularly Powerful for Shadow Work

Traditional talk-based shadow work is helpful, but it misses a crucial piece: your nervous system and body hold shadow material that your conscious mind can't access through thinking alone.

The Body Keeps the Score

Trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk's landmark book The Body Keeps the Score demonstrates that traumatic experiences and repressed emotions are stored in your body. Your muscles, your breath, your nervous system—all of them remember what you've tried to forget.

When you were criticized as a child and learned to hide your authentic self, that experience didn't just create a thought pattern ("I'm too much"). It created a physical pattern:

• Tightness in your throat (from not speaking up)
• Constriction in your chest (from holding back emotions)
• Tension in your hips (where we store emotional stress)
• A nervous system stuck in "alert" mode

You can't think your way out of these somatic (body-based) patterns. You have to feel and release them.

INDA Yoga Accesses the Shadow Through Both Mind & Body

1. Increased Body Awareness Reveals Hidden Emotions

The eight limbs of yoga encourage total self-awareness. As you practice asanas (postures), you tune into subtle physical sensations. Often, these sensations are connected to shadow material.

Example: You're in Pigeon Pose (a deep hip opener) and suddenly you feel intensely emotional. That's not random. The hips are known as a "storage center" for emotional tension. Your body is releasing something your mind has been avoiding.

2. Breathwork Calms the Nervous System

When your shadow is triggered, your nervous system goes into fight-or-flight mode. Your rational adult brain shuts down, and you react from old patterns.

Pranayama (yogic breathing) directly calms your autonomic nervous system, creating the physiological safety needed to explore shadow material without being overwhelmed.

Research shows: Yoga breathing techniques reduce cortisol (stress hormone) and increase parasympathetic nervous system activation (the "rest and digest" state where healing happens).

3. Mindfulness Creates Space Between Stimulus and Reaction

On the mat, you practice observing sensations and emotions without immediately reacting. This is the exact skill you need for shadow work.

Instead of: "I feel angry → I lash out" (unconscious reaction)

You practice: "I feel anger arising → I notice it → I breathe → I choose how to respond" (conscious awareness)

This space—between feeling and reacting—is where shadow integration happens.

4. Specific Poses Release Specific Shadow Material

Child's Pose (Balasana): Creates a sense of safety and nurturing, allowing vulnerable parts of yourself to surface

Pigeon Pose: Releases grief, sadness, and stored trauma from the hips

Heart Openers (like Camel Pose): Bring up emotions we've been protecting ourselves from—often vulnerability, longing, or old heartbreak

Warrior Poses: Help you access healthy anger, boundaries, and personal power (often suppressed in people-pleasers)

5. The Mind-Body Integration Practice

INDA Yoga integrates mind, body, and spirit. Shadow work that's only mental leaves wounds unhealed in the body. Shadow work that's only physical misses the meaning-making that creates lasting change.

INDA Yoga does both: You feel the emotion in your body (somatic release) and you bring conscious awareness to what's surfacing (psychological integration).

6. Self-Compassion as Foundation

The practice of non-judgment in yoga—accepting where your body is today without forcing—mirrors the self-compassion essential for shadow work.

You can't heal the parts of yourself you hate. You can only heal what you accept with compassion.

INDA Yoga teaches: "This is where I am today. I meet myself here with kindness."

Shadow work requires: "This is the part of me I've been avoiding. I meet it here with kindness."

7. Community Support Without Pressure

INDA Yoga classes and workshops provide a supportive community where you can share experiences and receive encouragement in your spiritual development journey, but without pressure to perform or be anything other than where you are.

This witnessing—being seen in your process without judgment—is profoundly healing for shadow parts that developed because you felt unseen or unacceptable as a child.

8. Creating Space for Reflection

The pause and stillness in INDA Yoga's practice offer chances for introspection. After a deep practice, you might journal, meditate, or simply notice what's surfaced. This reflection time helps integrate shadow material that's been loosened through movement and breath.

A Practical Shadow Work Yoga Practice

15-Minute INDA Yoga Shadow Work Sequence:

1. Centering (2 min): Sit quietly. Notice what you're feeling without judgment. Set an intention to meet yourself with compassion.

2. Breath Awareness (3 min): Practice even breathing (4-count inhale, 4-count exhale). This regulates your nervous system.

3. Gentle Movement (5 min): Move slowly through Cat-Cow, feeling where you hold tension. Breathe into those areas.

4. Shadow-Releasing Pose (3 min): Choose one:

1. Pigeon Pose if working with grief or old pain
2. Child's Pose if needing to feel safe and nurtured
3. Warrior II if reclaiming power and boundaries

5. Integration (2 min): Lie in Savasana. Notice what surfaced. No need to analyze—just witness.

After practice: Journal about any emotions, memories, or insights that arose.

Important: When to Seek Professional Support

Shadow work can bring up intense emotions and old trauma. While INDA Yoga and self-practice are valuable, some situations require professional support:

Seek help from a therapist if:

• You're experiencing panic attacks, severe anxiety, or depression
• Old trauma is overwhelming you
• You're having thoughts of self-harm
• Shadow work is making things worse instead of better

Professional approaches that combine well with INDA Yoga's shadow work:

• Jungian therapy or depth psychology
• Somatic Experiencing (trauma-focused body work)
• EMDR (for processing traumatic memories)
• Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy
• Trauma-sensitive yoga therapy

Think of it this way: You can do guided shadow work on your own for everyday patterns and mild issues. For deep trauma, work with a trained guide.

What "Wholeness" Actually Means (And Why It Matters)

You might have heard people talk about "becoming whole" or "integration" in shadow work. Here's what that actually means in everyday life:

Before shadow work (fragmented):

• You have a "work self," a "family self," a "social self," and a "real self" (that you barely show anyone)
• You're constantly performing, code-switching, hiding
• You feel exhausted from managing all these versions
• You don't really know who you are anymore
• Your conscious goals fight with unconscious beliefs

After shadow work (integrated/whole):

• You're fundamentally the same person in all contexts (while being appropriate to situations)
• You feel at home in yourself
• You have access to your full range of emotions and qualities
• You can be vulnerable without falling apart
• You can be powerful without being aggressive
• Your choices align with your actual values
• You feel less exhausted because you're not hiding constantly

Wholeness = You reclaim all of yourself—the messy parts, the powerful parts, the vulnerable parts, the creative parts—and you learn to express them in healthy, integrated ways.

You're not trying to be perfect. You're trying to come back home to your essence–your True Nature.

The Bottom Line: Your Shadow Work Cheat Sheet

If you take nothing else from this article, remember this:

✓ Your shadow = Parts of yourself you learned to hide in childhood (both "negative" and "positive" qualities)

✓ These hidden parts control you through:

• Projection (seeing your issues in others)
• Overreactions (present trigger, past wound)
• Self-sabotage (unconscious beliefs blocking conscious goals)

✓ Shadow work = Making the unconscious conscious so it stops running your life

✓ Practical starting points:

• Notice who triggers you (they're mirrors)
• Track your patterns (same problems = shadow clues)
• Journal the "I want / I don't want" exercise
• Practice expressing repressed qualities in small ways
• Use yoga to access and release what's stored in your body
• If you need guidance, INDA Yoga is here to help

✓ The goal isn't perfection—it's integration (becoming whole instead of fragmented)

✓ The reward: Less self-sabotage, better relationships, access to your full potential, feeling like yourself

Your Next Step

Shadow work is an ongoing practice, not a one-time fix. But every small step—every moment you notice a projection, every time you journal about a trigger, every INDA Yoga session where you let yourself feel what you've been avoiding—brings you closer to wholeness.

Start simple:

• This week, pick ONE practice:
• Notice one person who triggers you and journal: "What quality in them am I judging?"
• Do the "I want/I don't want" exercise for one goal
• Attend an INDA Yoga class and notice what emotions surface
• Write about one message you got as a child about being "too much" or "not enough"

Shadow work isn't about becoming a different person. It's about becoming fully your true Self—reclaiming the parts you left behind, integrating what you've been avoiding, and finally showing up in your life as whole, real, and free.

Your shadow isn't your enemy. It's the lost parts of yourself, waiting to come home.

As Jung reminds us: "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

The darkness isn't as dark as you think. And on the other side of facing it? That's where your full, authentic life is waiting.

Helpful Resources for Your Shadow Work Journey

Books for Beginners:

Owning Your Own Shadow by Robert A. Johnson (Short, accessible introduction)

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford (Practical, beginner-friendly)

A Little Book on the Human Shadow by Robert Bly (Beautiful, poetic exploration)

For Understanding Trauma and the Body:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (How trauma is stored in the body)

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine (Somatic approaches to trauma)

Jung's Original Works (For deeper study):

Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self

The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Yoga and Somatic Practices:

Try INDA Yoga classes, workshops, and retreats (Access all you need conveniently in one place)

Look for Trauma-Sensitive Yoga classes in your area

Explore breathwork and meditation classes for nervous system regulation

Professional Support:

Find a Jungian therapist or depth psychologist

Look for therapists trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Seek practitioners of Somatic Experiencing for trauma work

Keep in mind that shadow work is a journey, not a destination. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Every step toward self-awareness is a step toward freedom.

Note: This article integrates established Jungian psychology with practical guidance and contemporary understanding of somatic (body-based) trauma healing. While shadow work originates in analytical psychology, the principles apply universally: the parts of ourselves we deny will control us until we face them with courage and compassion.