Understanding Spiritual Bypassing
Spiritual bypassing—a term introduced by transpersonal psychotherapist John Welwood in the early 1980s—describes the tendency to use spirituality as a means of avoiding unresolved emotional pain, psychological wounds, or personal growth challenges
Growing up in a family and community that identified as Christian, I noticed that few had actually read the Bible or deeply engaged with its teachings. For many, the label “Christian” was more cultural than contemplative—something accepted without question because it was seen as the "right" identity to claim. Within that context, I often witnessed spiritual ideals and scripture being used not as tools for healing, but as shields—protecting against vulnerability, personal accountability, and genuine connection.
Spiritual bypassing appears across traditions and communities—whether among devout elders, charismatic leaders, frequent worshippers, or spiritual gathering hosts. Without deep, ongoing self-inquiry, even the most sincere beliefs can harden into barriers rather than bridges—used to exclude, judge, or dismiss instead of uplift, include, or heal.
Spiritual bypassing dismisses inner struggle with spiritual vocabulary or positivity, and it can take many subtle and overt forms:
- Surface-level positivity that dismisses pain: “Look on the bright side,” “everything happens for a reason”
- Using meditation or prayer to escape emotions rather than face them
- Hiding behind scripture or spiritual platitudes to deflect responsibility or intimacy.
- Elevating spiritual identity to feel superior—a pattern sometimes labeled “spiritual narcissism” or spiritual materialism
- Leaning on spiritual authority to avoid personal responsibility—“It’s not for me to question.”
- Simplifying complex social or cultural pain with spiritual assertions, effectively ignoring real injustices
- Quoting scripture or spiritual teachings as a defense against emotional intimacy or difficult conversations.
- Preaching love, light, and forgiveness while avoiding personal accountability or conflict resolution.
- Adopting sacred symbols, language, or rituals as aesthetic identity markers while bypassing the ethics and humility those traditions require.
- Labeling emotions like fear, sadness, or anger as “low vibe”, suppressing them in favor of forced positivity.
- Using spiritual hierarchies (e.g., “more evolved,” “less awakened”) to reinforce ego or superiority, rather than cultivating compassion and humility.
Spirituality invites us into wholeness—meaning it calls us to embrace all aspects of our human experience, not just the ones that feel peaceful, enlightened, or socially acceptable.
Rather than encouraging us to bypass pain, doubt, anger, or fear, spiritual practice asks us to bring these parts of ourselves into the light of awareness with compassion and honesty. Wholeness isn't about perfection; it's about integration—honoring both our light and our shadow, our strength and our vulnerability, our joy and our grief.
In other words, spirituality:
- Encourages self-inquiry, not self-avoidance.
- Supports emotional honesty, not repression disguised as “positivity.”
- Nurtures connection—to ourselves, others, the earth, and the divine—instead of creating separation through superiority, purity, or performance.
- Is grounded in humility, presence, and responsibility, not ego inflation or escapism.
Spirituality is not an escape from our humanity, it's an invitation to meet our humanity and life fully—with our feet on the ground and our hearts open. When used consciously, spiritual tools can help illuminate our blind spots, soften our defenses, and reconnect us to truth. But without self-awareness and grounded integration, those same tools can become distractions that delay real growth.
While spirituality is meant to foster reverence, empathy, and self-awareness, spiritual bypassing often masks emotional immaturity behind performative piety or aesthetic spirituality. It can surface in many environments:
- In religious spaces, where spiritual authority is misused to shame, exclude, or control rather than to guide, empower, or heal. Teachings, scripture, or leadership roles may be wielded as tools of fear or moral superiority instead of compassion and service.
- In wellness communities, where “high-vibration” rhetoric is used to dismiss real-world suffering, trauma, or systemic injustice.
- In ego-driven personas, where spiritual language, attire, or rituals are adopted to project moral or energetic superiority—without engaging in genuine self-inquiry or inner transformation.
This bypassing can be especially harmful when:
- A child from a non-traditional or divorced family is treated as “less than” in a community that upholds rigid ideals.
- Someone struggling with mental health, addiction, or personal crisis is shamed or silenced—told to “pray harder” or “surrender to God” instead of being met with care, compassion, and support.
- Honest questioning of beliefs or practices is labeled as disobedience or a “lack of faith,” stifling curiosity, growth, and authentic connection.
- Unquestioned obedience is demanded, using their opinion or perspective as the ultimate truth to suppress dissent, accountability, or complexity.
I've Noticed Two Particularly Harmful Forms of Spiritual Bypassing that Often Go Unnoticed:
1. Deferring to Spiritual Authority to Avoid Responsibility
Rather than engaging emotionally or critically, some defer to spiritual leaders or doctrines to avoid discomfort:
“The Priest/my pastor/my guru said we shouldn’t question God’s will.”
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle—just stay strong.”
“It’s not my place to intervene. Everything happens in divine timing.”
In my family, this manifested as a refusal to acknowledge the emotional needs of a child from a “broken” home. A rigid, unexamined puritanical mindset made it easier to moralize than to connect, to judge rather than to understand.
2. Bypassing Social and Cultural Realities
Phrases like “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” “Honor your mother and father,” or “All are equal in God’s eyes” are often used to bypass deep, systemic, or generational pain. While such expressions may carry genuine spiritual meaning, they can also be used to avoid engaging with difficult realities like racism, poverty, abuse, family dysfunction, or generational trauma.
Sometimes, it’s more comfortable to protect a family’s public image than to acknowledge difficult truths—like divorce, financial struggle, or difference. The illusion of unity becomes a mask for silent division.
The Impact of Spiritual Bypassing
Whether in religious or spiritual circles, this form of avoidance causes real harm. It allows people to:
- Dismiss others’ pain as a lack of right faith or “low vibration.”
- Avoid honest conversations about privilege, family dynamics, or social injustice.
- Maintain emotional distance while appearing morally or spiritually superior.
- Deflect personal accountability by blaming external forces—“negative energy,” “spiritual attack,” or “the devil”—for everyday actions, like neglecting a child, breaking the law, or making poor choices.
Calling a child “difficult” or “possessed” might feel easier than confronting neglect or emotional absence—but healing begins when we stop outsourcing accountability.
What Spiritual Maturity Looks Like
Spiritual maturity isn’t revealed in how many times we've attended church, how many spiritual retreats we've attended, or how many books or scriptures we’ve read—but in how we show up, especially when it's uncomfortable. It’s measured in our relationships, our presence in community, and our willingness to face the parts of ourselves we’d rather avoid.
It asks us to:
- Acknowledge our own biases, blind spots, and limitations.
- Choose connection over appearance.
- Let our beliefs deepen love and empathy—not reinforce shame or superiority.
- Take ownership of our actions—especially in the quiet, everyday moments.
- Accept that spirituality doesn’t exempt us from consequences—it calls us to meet them with integrity.
Spiritual bypassing doesn’t only happen in places of worship, religious or spiritual communities, and far-off spiritual retreats. It happens at dinner tables, in family group chats, in moments of judgment masked as righteousness, and in the quiet decisions to include or exclude others.
It shows up when we use spiritual language to avoid apologizing, when we say things like "they manifested that reality" instead of offering empathy, or when we deflect responsibility for our actions by blaming external energies, karma, or the demonic forces.
Emotional and spiritual growth requires the willingness to confront the ways we use belief to exclude, avoid, or hide. It asks us to bring awareness not only to our rituals and practices, but to our tone in conversation, our behavior under stress, and our presence in community.
Spirituality doesn’t bypass—it bridges. It meets you where you are without judgment, to remind you you are already whole, even as you grow. It softens the ego, rather than inflates it. It doesn’t avoid life’s difficulties—it transforms them.
If we claim to walk a spiritual path, we are called to show up—not just in sacred spaces, but in the sacredness of daily life. In how we relate. In how we take responsibility. And above all, in how we expand our capacity to love.
With love and gratitude,
